Hey y’all,
I hope you are doing well, staying safe, wearing masks and keeping a good distance, as hard as it is. I feel like every time I see a friend or somebody I haven’t seen in a while we do a good job of fist bumping or elbow touching upon greeting, but when it's time to split we just shake hands and hug each other. It's getting a bit ridiculous haha. Anyway, I’m doing pretty good, Alhamdulillah. Thinking about things as always, but instead, thinking about how to not think about things as much, if that is even possible.
I stepped out of the house a bit this past week, not doing anything crazy, but just to see a few people. One person I was hanging with was my best friend K -- Special K. I use these abbreviations but I assume most of y'all know who lol. We were just posted, skating kinda, (it was freezing), but mostly talking and somewhat, but not necessarily, reminiscing. We were acknowledging the fact that we missed spending time together, and also that we should make more of an effort to do the things we enjoy so much. For us, that was always skating, and still is, but the truth is, skating has never just been skating.
Skateboarding brings adventure into one's life. It's great for bonding, allows you to explore your environment and places that average people simply do not get to go. You get in trouble, which is fun when you're young, not so much when you get older. You fight your fears and battle yourself constantly, and most importantly, you learn to STOP THINKING sometimes, and JUST DO -- which is what I really needed right now.
The most interesting and kindest people I have met, I met through skating. My friends, both present and from the past, are the ones who first inspired me to become the person I am now. I would not be an artist or writer or have graduated, or I may have been all of those things, but nowhere near as enthusiastic and confident. I was taught that nothing comes easy from skateboarding, and that when you work hard at something, people will recognize it.
I recall being just a new kid at my local skate park, afraid to go down the big ramp, too scared to drop in, couldn’t ollie or heel flip, and I’d just watch the older guys killing it: Peejay Encina, Kevin Viernes, Luke Lacasa, Mark McCoy, Erick Winkowski, and so many others. Many of them are good friends now, but back then, I was ignored or clowned by them because that’s just how it was. I was determined, however, to be accepted, and get better, and eventually that happened. These guys in truth, were some of the best people to ever come into my life. Even though they treated me like a “poser” or just a kid at first, as I got older and better at skating, their respect and most importantly, their acknowledgement of my growth and progression, both verbally and through the way they treated me was clear as day. That approval does a lot when you're 13/14, watching high schoolers and college students who seem like celebrities, and now damn near are, eventually start wanting to skate the streets with you and hang out. It was extremely validating and showed me that nothing you aspire to is ever that far out of reach. It didn’t matter what I did, from making art to putting together art shows, making music, going off to college, becoming a writer, starting a podcast, or whatever I may have pursued, not only would they advise me to the best of their ability, but they’d ALWAYS show up, every single time, just to support. And that was not just the case for me, but everyone my age and in that community. The support was there for whoever needed it, but also whoever deserved it, and it built a family so lasting that these guys remain some of my best friends, even if I don't skate as much, and are subscribed to this newsletter hopefully reading it and realizing that the impact they’ve had on me goes beyond words. I could thank skateboarding, but it's really all due to the people on those boards that it's such a beautiful thing, a lifestyle really, that breeds deep reslience… (I may have gone on a tangent, where was I? That's right, me and K were chillin.)
K and I were discussing how some of the coolest experiences we had came from our times skating. Weird groups of friends wilding out in the streets, eccentric characters giving us side missions like in some video game, causing absolute havoc and just being okay with it because it was invigorating. We missed that. And we lost touch with it for a bit, so we’re trying to reclaim it and scavenge whatever bits of it there may be left.
I also told K about my younger sister, and about how recently, I was telling her about the crazy things I used to do when I would go skating downtown: sneaking on rooftops, getting chased by cops and security, rolling my ankle and having to hop 20 foot fences in excruciating pain, long days and late nights with friends and strangers... and she got frustrated and sad at this. She’d been watching The Perks of Being a Wallflower a bit too much so that’s definitely to blame, but she’s also 14, and “alt” lol, (she’s gonna kill me for that), and she fantasizes about that tunnel scene from the film. She deeply wants to experience a similarly nostalgic, "coming of age", sensation with her friends out on the town. She wants to feel the wind flying through her hair, (or hijab I guess lol), while driving through a tunnel listening to David Bowie’s Hunky Dory. As corny as it sounds, though, that feeling she wishes for is genuine, and her sadness is truly valid.
“I feel infinite”, Charlie, played by Logan Lerman says, as Sam, played by Emma Watson stands in the back of the pickup truck with her arms out, the wind pursing against her face and body, as she wears a sentimental smile on her face. I told Kaidan about this, and we realized together how sad it truly is. How teens today cannot experience these things due to COVID. But not just due to the pandemic but also the internet, video games, the removal from reality that social media has caused, not only on them, but us as well. I miss feeling infinite. I never categorized it as that specifically, but it’s accurate. I have not felt that way in a long time...
There is a first time for everything, and there is a last time for everything. And the conclusion K and I came to, was that we won’t let work, art, or real life get in the way of what has always served us and provided us a healthy escape anymore. We vowed to stop being lazy and maintain the relationships that have only ever brought us happiness, stop taking things so goddamn seriously and loosen up a bit for once, (I'm speaking for myself mainly here haha). But all this with a grain of salt of course. And that’s a reminder both to you all and myself as well.
Trust more. Breathe more. Enjoy more. And I would say think less, but some people actually need to think more so I’m not going to say that hahaha. You get the idea though.
B <3.
Art Updates:
I made some changes to the posters and prints I’m putting out soon, with a bit of advising from K. I’ll be putting them up hopefully within the coming week or so, inshallah.
Along with that however, I have printed a close to final draft of my photo book, titled, The Unseen, of selected images from my trip to Turkey, (I changed the title from Askim). I am especially excited for this project, and I hope you all are as well. There are still some things to figure out, what the timing will look like, publishing, quality, etc. But it's looking good so far, and I am ecstatic to get it out, inshallah. Here's a pic of the book at the moment as you may have seen on instagram:
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Currently Watching: Akira Kurosawa’s Stray Dog
I’m nowhere near finished, only about 30 minutes in, but I must say I am thoroughly enjoying it. There is one scene at the beginning of the film that had me hooked almost immediately. In this scene, the main character, a Japanese off duty cop dressed in a suit, tie, and fedora type hat, gets on a bus. The narrator discusses how thick and humid the weather was that day, especially in the vehicle. In the scene, we watch this gentleman mashed in between a clot of people -- sweaty, woozy, and disoriented in his suit and tie, absolutely disgusted, both by his proximity to the bodies, but particularly by a woman's cheap perfume clogging his nostrils. I was fascinated by the accuracy of this situation. Only did I find it comical because of its reality. I felt like I was the one on that bus, claustrophobic and uncomfortable in this humid, packed interior, and so I felt for him deeply. He seemed innocent, as if trying to just get by, though was struggling. And that is exactly how we find his character to be once the story picks up. It was such an interesting means of characterization, I felt. And I am looking forward to seeing how it plays out.
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Currently Reading:
I am not reading anything new at the moment, as I just finished Norwegian Wood by Murakami before I wrote this letter. But I thought I would share a quote from the book, which, as the story reaches its end, uncoincidentally places a great importance on not thinking too much and accepting the happiness that is available to you. The quote I want to share is an exchange between Midori and Watanabe, the main character in the story:
“Well, it's just that life has been so cruel to us until now," Midori said. "But that's OK. We're going to get back everything it owes us.”
That's all from me for this one ya'll. Thanks for reading. And as usual, please feel free to reply to these emails if you feel inclined to. I'll be here.
B <3