Hi everyone. Old subscribers and new. Friends and foes. My dearest beloveds, I hope you are well. I understand that we are in yet another chaotic, draining, exciting, and completely unpredictable month of March. Right back in it like we never left... only, its 2021 now, and there are multiple vaccines to this virus I genuinely wonder if we will ever stop talking about, a new president/political leaders in the U.S doing some good and lots of bad, although, what is new?, we are all officially one year older, and thankfully, gratefully alive and doing as well as we possibly could be. And because of it, I think that life at this point, calls for bouts of reflection. Where are we now in comparison to where we were one year ago? I'll go first.
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It does not feel like it has been a year. It feels like it has been a decade. It feels like a period of existence that at first was jarring and difficult to grasp, with new material to learn, actions to grow accustomed to, faces to put on and languages to speak -- I have become close to, maybe even comfortable with. Normally, these periods of forced assimilation into a new mode of living, take a long time, often years to settle into. Similar to how its said that "once we grow comfortable with childhood, we become young adults, and when we get good at being young adults, we become teenagers, and finally when we grow accustomed to our teenage years, we are thrown into adulthood. Always unanticipated. Always in a state of discomfort. The only way to live a genuine life really.
So that is how I feel. Like one year ago, I was thrown into an abyss of unfamiliarity and fear, only to have grown comfortable with the succinct realities of life, maybe even suspiciously. I wonder if I am not alone in this. I attribute it all to the fact that I have been able to sit with myself for so long, something I thought I already had been doing, but had the chance to even more than before. The patterns of my own personal existence, became laid out before me. Over the past year, I've had the chance to watch myself, as I stepped back from distractions, unwanted relationships, justified withdrawals from society, and observed my own actions. Pinpointing the themes and repetition, the archetypes and morals I placed myself into and amongst; I looked at myself from a perspective of critical analysis, like I had been the character in a story that held buried enigmatic qualities I didn't know I did not understand, despite the fact that I had been analyzing them my whole life. A new layer had opened up to me, one that provided insight towards parts of myself I originally was in no place to contextualize.
Simply put, the actions of my person are on a repetitive timeline. As the seasons change, I change. As I cultivate and grow, I bear fruits and harvest. The parallels between every aspect of life serve as the perfect description to our human experiences. And with every aspect of life, (not solely human life, but everything to exist), is an aspect of repetition. Patterns. Continuation. Systems. Whether built by our own doing, or natural in their right, they are all from the same system of allowance. I was able to recognize and draw out these patterns in my life. The good ones and bad, the smart ones and ignorant, the detrimental, painful ones, and the happier, far more giving ones. And I was able to see them clearly. Clearer than I ever have before. Almost to the point where if things are not going my way or benefitting me, I know it is only a test or a consequence for my own erring. It's safe to say, at this stage of COVID, that I have figured myself out. A bold statement it may seem, but when you know yourself, you realize it really isn't. We're not as enigmatic as we like to think, and if you believe you are, chances are that you haven't spent the time to delve into the foundations of your being. By no means am I saying it is easy, but it takes a conscious effort first and foremost. The simplicity of life, and the necessities of life have made their impression on my outlook on everything, and so that is what my priorities have become. What do I need versus what do I want is always the main question. And after that, who has rights over me (family, friends, God, etc.), and who am I giving rights that don't deserve them? There have been many concrete, materialistic, career successes and endeavors that have taken place within the past year as well, but they are irrelevant without these very notions that brought them into existence. It's been an interesting year. I was definitely in a far different place last March than I am now, and it is only living proof that with time, things get better (IF YOU WANT THEM TO). Some things we need and some things we want. Whichever it happens to be, however, we need to work for both.
Love,
B <3
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Recently Watched:
Summer Hours
by Olivier Assayas
*white people problems*
*4/5*
*Juliette Binoche, 5/5*
Black Girl
by Sembene Ousmane
*just sad, tired of seeing Africans sad*
Everyone Else
by Maren Ade
*I disliked both of these characters very much... they deserve each other.*
*4.5/5 tho*
Irma Vep
by Olivier Assayas
*un film sur un film sur un film...*
*loved it*
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Currently Reading:
The Forty Rules of Love
by Elif Shafak
The Short Stories of Oscar Wilde
Harvard University Press
Definitions of the Week:
Cheiromancy - the art of telling fortunes by the lineaments of the hand—also Cheirosophy.
Portiere - A portière is a hanging curtain placed over a door or over the doorless entrance to a room. Its name is derived from the French word for door, porte. From Asia, it came to Europe at a remote date. It is known to have been in use in Europe in the 4th century, and was probably introduced much earlier.
Ile de France - Île-de-France is a region in north-central France. It surrounds the nation’s famed capital, Paris, an international center for culture and cuisine with chic cafes and formal gardens. The city's landmarks include the Louvre, home to da Vinci’s "Mona Lisa," the iconic Eiffel Tower and Gothic Notre-Dame Cathedral. Outside Paris, there are forests, grand châteaux and farms, including dairies that produce milk for Brie.
Interlocutor - a person who takes part in a dialogue or conversation.
Zelig - In this fictional documentary, a man achieves notoriety for his ability to look and act like anyone he meets. With his unique talent for mimicry, Zelig (Woody Allen) ingratiates himself with people from every sector of society. His chameleon-like skill catches the eye of Eudora Fletcher (Mia Farrow), a doctor who thinks Zelig is in need of serious cognitive analysis. Their relationship moves in a direction that's not often covered in medical textbooks.
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"Most of the problems of the world stem from linguistic mistakes and simple misunderstandings. Don't ever take words at face value. When you step into the zone of love, language as we know it becomes obsolete. That which cannot be put into words can only be grasped through silence."
- from The Forty Rules of Love by Elif Shafak
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That's all from me for this one. Thank you for reading. And please feel free to reply to these emails if you feel inclined to. I'll be here.
B.