Peace, everyone.
Just want to give a big thank you to everyone who recently subscribed to this newsletter. Still keeping it small and intimate through my personal email, and will be switching to a newsletter platform sometime soon, but I just want to send my love and appreciation to everyone reading and responding. Especially to those of you who have even gone ahead to refer my newsletter to friends and family, I could never express my gratitude to you all, it's unexplainable how great it feels, and how much it drives me to keep writing and working on what I love, so thank you, truly.
I apologize in advance for the length of this letter, but I have a lot to say this week, and I hope you all will stick around to listen...
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I want to spend some time writing a bit about writing. To reflect on what writing means as both a form of art as well as a tool for change and an inciter of dialogue. Following my previous, rather chaotic letter, I was met with a variety of responses, both from individual readers, as well as my own internal, conflicting voices. I noticed how flimsy and easily manipulative our thoughts can be at times, as I found myself sure, then unsure, then confused, then completely unsure as to what it was that I was even trying to say. So, it goes without saying that everyone reading these letters should know by now that I can, and often will take everything seriously. (And in the particular case of last week's newsletter, I attempted to make the most trivial of actions racialized and serious. After thinking about my feelings towards it all, I realized my then stance is something I blame academia for, something I blame our society for especially, and something I am now trying to free myself from. And while I definitively blame these institutions for this, I no longer want to place any type of blame for small things on anyone or anything outside of myself. It's exhausting and absurd. And I will say, for those concerned or interested, I am reconsidering this whole tire situation lol. To new subscribers, I think it's best you just keep it moving with no context on this one hahaa).
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I take things seriously and do so not in any self-absorbed, pessimistic, or immutable manner per say, though it can come off as such at times. This is solely due, however, to the fact that I believe life is far too layered and intricate that even the smallest of actions and ideas call for delving into. These spaces are an enjoyable residence for me. I appreciate genuine intrigue and anything remotely indifferent to the status quo. And it is for reasons like these I choose to, rather, have no choice, but to write and create art about that which I come across.
My outlook on the world, by nature, or simply how I have found myself to think and perceive since I was young, is that I question the normalcy of ideas, beliefs, and situations. Some may attribute it to my being a middle child, as a character of observance, slipping under the radar, acting as witness and assuming the role of mediator and equipoise. Or, to my being a Virgo, (despite the fact that I do not believe in nor adhere to horoscopes as truth).
(Side Thoughts)
Islamically speaking, it is considered a sin to believe in horoscopes, as they attempt to prognosticate one’s affairs, therefore contradicting the belief that God holds unlimited knowledge and ability to govern happenings in a person’s life. However, (and this is solely my opinion), I cannot disregard the homogeneity in personality, thinking, and actions found in people who share the same Zodiac sign/Birthday as me. Because of this, I consider horoscopes to be something of an equivalent (in principle) to the practice of dark/black magic, from an Islamic perspective. The practice of magic is something all too real, dangerous and unruly for its capabilities, and therefore created as a test, forbidden to mankind. And my responsive opinion in regard to astrology and horoscopes is that there is some truth to it, as we know not all predictions that come with horoscopes are accurate, but to study them is forbidden in my religion, and I therefore choose to stay away from it. For with one’s practice or indulgence of such knowledge, comes dependence, or a reliance on it, instead of relying on the one who created such things. (And this goes back to my statement from a few letters ago that said, “we all believe in something”, whether we know it or not, and Astrology is very well religious/spiritual in its mannerisms.) All this reminds me of a quote from Talib Kweli, in Mos Def's song, “History”, that reads, “Everybody act according to the season that they’re born in, some in the night, some in the morning, some at noon, some in winter some in June…”.
(Side Thoughts – Fin.)
I am not shallowly anti, nor anti for the sake of being paradoxical. But instead, as writer Teju Cole puts it, “When everyone is going one way, you’ve got to go the other way. When everyone is looking at one thing, you’ve got to look at the other thing. Not in order to be contrary, but out of spiritual necessity.” Even though my contradictory stances on things may come off as intentionally oppositional, rather than based on a genuine belief of said stance, I want to make clear that I am rather dynamic in the claims I put forward – in any topics outside of my religious beliefs, that is.
Even in my Islamic faith, I make it a point to ask difficult questions in order to understand both what I may be confused by, or what the general, non-Muslim public may be bemused or challenged by in regard to the religion. The reason I am grounded in such beliefs, is because I have only ever found the answers to my pressing questions and have no reason to falter or transition my stance on anything in that world – unless I find myself incorrect. When it comes to dealing with writing, however, or art, the state of our society, politics, racial issues, and the faceted world of ideologies and beliefs we now reside in, I find it imperative that I approach things from dynamic viewpoints. Not that I am confused as to what I want for myself and the world, for the goal remains a sense of overall peace and justice, but that maneuvering one’s approach towards national/global collective goals is something that requires, not just artists, but everyone, consistent reconsideration and redirection. My personal form of redirection comes about through my writing and art, and in this letter, I would like to share why it is that I do what I do. (For artists and thinkers, this may simply be reiteration, but for others, especially new subscribers, I hope this serves as a referential atavism down the line, with the letters to come, inshallah.)
When it comes to the things I write and decide to publicly share, my reasons are two:
1. I wish to challenge my own fears of being publicly incorrect. In my eyes, the ultimate vulnerability is exerting effort towards sharing something you believe in and finding that you are wrong, or that the public attacks you from a place of disagreement or offense. Maybe the case is that you have not done all the research or pondering you could have prior to taking a stance or that you ticked off the wrong people and found yourself in a state of cancellation -- all things that happen far too often in our culture. I share my writing to practice for the relationship writers and artists are meant to have with their audiences. That being, that not everyone is going to agree with you or be happy with what you put forth, and that is rather easy for me to accept. However, being conscious of the fact that your audience, at any given point, can turn on you, with the knowledge of one bit of information, true or untrue, that misaligns with their idea of you or who they want or expect you to be, no longer perceiving you as a voice of clarity, reason, and value; that is what scares me.
I also know, however, that this is inevitable – this risk that comes with prominence. This is the reason why I try to write and share freely, to battle the anxieties that come with every letter sent, every email, every conversation, every tweet, poem, essay, or whatever mode of artistic expression I utilize to put forth my truest beliefs on our complicated world. For me, it’s not about fame, or riches, despite the appeals and hidden desires I hold towards them, but instead, it’s about the need to provide recourse where I am capable of doing so. And for me, that is through writing and speaking truths that most people prefer to remain unspoken. That is in fact what our relationship encompasses. As James Baldwin said, “The poet and the people get on generally very badly, and yet they need each other. The poet knows it sooner than the people do. The people usually know it after the poet is dead; but that's all right. The point is to get your work done, and your work is to change the world.” We’re playing a long-term game here, it’s not easy, but it’s necessary. And that leads me into my second reason for writing…
2. ...and this is probably the most important. It is the reason that the act of making art is imperative in the first place. That reason being: I want to challenge YOU. In many instances, of social despair, political turmoil, collective ideologies, even family feuds or relationship toils, and any situation involving a community of individual minds exchanging passions and truths particular to them; I prefer to assume a seat of observance...
(Side Thoughts Pt. 2)
Forgive me, my mind functions in tangents haha.
I recall a recent tweet of mine that read, “thankful for friends and fam who share their experiences, both good and bad, for me to learn from. I never take it for granted, trust.”
This was a sincere statement. I do not appreciate stories of experience from people in my life because I write about them, even though they do serve as inspiration and even direct content at times, (see Sam Levinson’s Malcom & Marie, the part where Marie comes at that nigga because she thinks she was just good material for his new film… oh my… I felt attacked not gonna lie), but – I have a life of my own to live as well. A life full of questions, mistakes, goals, cycles, mysteries, concerns, hardships, and so much more. I need stories for my own life as much as I do for my writing. I explain this for the reason that, I had a feeling people may interpret my words incorrectly, (and this is another reason I challenge myself to share my words, because people will take and interpret whatever they choose, however they please.) And my friend Z replied to my tweet with a quote that read, “Beware the quiet man. For while others speak, he watches. And while others act, he plans. And when they finally rest… he strikes.”
This sounded far too sinister to attribute to myself, nor was it what I was trying to say, but I understood what he was getting at. So instead of explaining what I meant, its Twitter after all, better to not take it too seriously, I replied with a classic quote/meme from Rush Hour where Inspector Lee, played by Jackie Chan approaches Detective Carter, played by Chris Tucker, and speaking for one of the first times says, “I like to let people talk, who like to talk, so I can find out how full of shit they are.” And just like that, I became Inspector Lee, when that was not, by any means what I was trying to say with my tweet.
This only goes to say that intentions and perceptions are constantly shifting, every single day, right now even as I write this. I may believe something or have uncovered something I had not known within the minutes of writing this letter. And that is alright. I have no problem changing my mind where it makes sense to, and make it a point to do it often in order to instill a sense of variability. Even this was supposed to be a succinct anecdote, but it has become a short rant/essay of its own, and that's okay.
(Side Thoughts Pt. 2 – Fin.)
Now you know my reasons for writing. As public servants, after all, that is the role of writers and artists, we are supposed to be of benefit to the people, we must address the things that the majority prefer not to. That is why Islam is so close to my heart, for its humanity and simultaneous ambiguity in the minds of so many. As recourse for my own estrangement, I refer to the saying from the Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him), which goes:
بَدَأَ الإِسْلاَمُ غَرِيبًا وَسَيَعُودُ غَرِيبًا فَطُوبَى لِلْغُرَبَاءِ
“Islam began as something strange. And one day will return to something strange. So, give glad tidings to the strangers.”
Reference: Sunan Ibn Majah 3986
The more I embrace my truths, the more estranged I feel and become. We cannot please everyone, but what we can do is please and respect ourselves until a day comes where the people around you align with what it is you represent. At the same time, you will have people around you who do not agree with everything you say, but do respect it, which is what I perceive the majority of you to be to me, and then there are those who do not agree, nor respect your words, though still give you (disrespectful) attention and it is precisely that which I am mentally preparing for.
My mode of existence relies on an ability to change often, remain dynamic, keep altering various parts and ideas I identify with, and never ever meet a day where I say, “This is just how I am”, accepting rigidity; and I encourage everyone to adopt a similar attitude towards life. After all, how could we possibly change the world if we cannot better our own selves? It's cliché, but it remains true. Learn from people you would often ignore, attempt to respect the views of those you hold prejudices towards (as we all hold prejudices in some manner), change your mind and soften your heart more often, and not because that is what is convenient at the time, (I say that because a lot of people today lack any given set of personal principles, like its a free for all for beliefs and ideas where everything is acceptable) -- it creates identity crises, and just doesn't work like that. And finally, don’t surround yourself solely with people who resemble every facet of your being.
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Sorry for the lengthy letter, I’m going to end it there. Thanks to anyone who stuck through that, and to any new subscribers, I promise this was a special case haha. More lighthearted, stream of consciousness type writing coming soon, inshallah.
Love,
B
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Films I Recently Watched:
Touki Bouki
by Djibril Diop Mambéty
Recently I watched Mambéty’s “Touki bouki” / “Journey of the Hyena”, for the first time. So very surreal. Tactile in its approach to cultural depictions. However, paradoxically ancillary towards the French, almost opposing the very narrative it provides. (For those who have seen it and disagree with that statement, I'd love to discuss it). The symbolism is voluptuous, that is the most accurate description I can provide. A joy to watch, a pain to watch, a journey of desperation and an unwillingness to let go.
Bamboozled
by Spike Lee
I apologize for the disconcerting image. But it is most representative of this film.
Once again, I am reminded of the inherent imperative attached to Blackness in America. I (try to) lean towards a more liberal perspective, naturally, in terms of the direction we should take as a country: try and let go of the past, forgive but not forget -- the basic steps towards overcoming grief, hardship, and oppression, but that is only because the majority of the people in my environment are not representative of what is wrong with our American race problem. Seeing films like this only reinforce that hardness of one's heart towards White people and what they did to African Americans, and cause not only a sense of enlightenment, that at this point, I almost cannot tell if or if not is beneficial, but also a sense of confliction as to the direction we should be taking as a people. And I am angered once more...
James Baldwin precisely summed up this feeling I describe, when he said,
"To be a Negro in this country and to be relatively conscious is to be in a rage almost all the time."
It is a shame.
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Also, I am on Letterboxd now, for those who have one. If you don't, it's a really cool app for keeping track of, reviewing, and discovering films. I'd recommend it. So I'll be sharing even more film things on there. You can follow me at this link: https://letterboxd.com/bilalmohamed/
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Recent Podcasts I've Listened To:
My new favorite podcast already:
(No episode in particular, I've enjoyed it all so far. Plus Blondey is just a character lol, I wish to be as eloquent and charismatic as him. He's a gem of our time.)
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The New Yorker: The Writer's Voice
Ben Okri Reads "A Wrinkle in the Realm"
"The first time he realized that there was something not quite right about him was when a woman crossed the street as she saw him coming. He thought it was a coincidence. Then it happened again..."
(Opening line of Ben Okri's "A Wrinkle in the Realm")
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This Week's Dictionary Entries:
I keep a personal dictionary that I add words, names, artworks, films, and other things to just to refer to and learn from in my free time. I thought it would be cool to share some entries from the past few weeks. So here are just a few, (all definitions were taken from google):
Desultory - lacking a plan, purpose, or enthusiasm; (of conversation or speech) going constantly from one subject to another in a halfhearted way; unfocused; occurring randomly or occasionally.
Panopticon Model - The panopticon is a type of institutional building and a system of control designed by the English philosopher and social theorist Jeremy Bentham in the 18th century; The panopticon is a disciplinary concept brought to life in the form of a central observation tower placed within a circle of prison cells. From the tower, a guard can see every cell and inmate but the inmates can't see into the tower. Prisoners will never know whether or not they are being watched.
Tatami - A tatami is a type of mat used as a flooring material in traditional Japanese-style rooms. Tatami are made in standard sizes, twice as long as wide, about 0.9 m by 1.8 m depending on the region. In martial arts, tatami are the floor used for training in a dojo and for competition.
Three Days of the Condor - (Film, 1975) On a seemingly ordinary day, Joe Turner (Robert Redford), a quiet CIA codebreaker, walks into his workplace and finds that all of his coworkers have been murdered. Horrified, Joe flees the scene and tries to tell his supervisors about the tragedy. Unfortunately, he soon learns that CIA higher-ups were involved in the murders. With no one to trust, and a merciless hit man (Max von Sydow) close on his tail, Joe must somehow survive long enough to figure out why his own agency wants him dead.
Ferrara - The first modern city and one of the culturally most important Italian Renaissance city states, Ferrara was one of the European capitals of culture, arts, politics, gastronomy, in addition to being a reference point for artists, poets and minstrels.
Kramlich Collection - The Kramlich Collection is recognized as one of the most significant and pioneering collections of media art in the world. With over 150 film, video, and media installation works from the mid-1960s to the present, the Collection offers a unique survey of the importance of the moving image and audiovisual media in contemporary art over the last fifty years.
Four Temperaments - The four temperament theory is a proto-psychological theory which suggests that there are four fundamental personality types: sanguine, choleric, melancholic, and phlegmatic.
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That's all from me for this one ya'll. Thanks for reading. And as usual, please feel free to reply to these emails if you feel inclined to. I'll be here.
B <3