2020 despite it all, was actually one of the better years I have lived through. And I feel I may not be the only one to say that. Of course, if one does resonate with such a statement, it's all but a blessing, as COVID in all its seriousness could have easily made it the worst year of my life, or yours, and for some of you, that may very well be the case. Therefore, while I am thankful for a good year, I hope despite any hardships you have faced, that you are stronger for it and are pushing through. Sending love.
I haven't really taken the time to reflect on why last year was so good for me, so I am going to do it right now, just off the top of my head:
1. I graduated from college (as I have stated in a previous newsletter). But this is particularly big for me being that, I hated school for a long time, and when I got accepted to a university straight out of high school, I wanted to drop out and become a rapper, (which (don't @ me) I still believe was a realistic dream lol).
Some of you may know the story of how in my first semester of college, I gave a speech on why college wasn't worth it, and why I wanted to drop out as soon as possible. I even recorded it, and still have it today, so I attached it to this newsletter for anyone who wants to listen (forgive my nerves haha).
But per usual, as often is the case, certain people came into my life that provided me insights and cautionary tales when I needed them most, and it drove me to find something worth studying, which I did, Alhamdulillah. I got my degree in Comparative Literature after switching my major 3 times and was miraculously still able to finish in 4 years. So, although I won't ever make a big deal of it, finishing school is something I'm proud of and was blessed to accomplish this year.
2. I disconnected myself from someone, who although was not toxic or problematic in contemporary terms, was just not providing me what I needed from them for many years. I won't really go beyond that, but cutting them off was something I truly never saw myself doing. Yet, I did it in 2020. And life has been better because of it. There was a whole lotta pain (and still is sometimes), some hard conversations, and unimaginable heartbreak, but I got through it, (we got through it) and I'm proud of them for it as well.
3. I've read a whole lotta books. More than I normally do at least. I'm going to try and make a list of all the books I have read, just for a sense of accomplishment. I'll maybe send it when I do, insha'Allah.
4. I had what was possibly the best Ramadan of my life even though we were fasting under quarantine. The spiritual gain, level of learning, growth and better understanding myself and life, was unlike anything I ever experienced. Lots of ups and downs, drastic downs forsure, but I felt proud and mostly thankful walking out of that month.
5. I went to New York for the first time at the beginning of the year, and got to see two of my favorite artists' works. I went to see Yasiin Bey's (Mos Def's) exhibition at the Brooklyn Museum titled "Negus" which displayed art by Ala Ebtekar, Julie Mehretu, and José Parlá created in collaboration with Bey. In conjunction with the exhibition, the show was an album listening party, in which we listened to unreleased Bey on headphones while browsing the gallery. The album we heard, never to be released.
I also went to a solo exhibition at Almine Rech gallery by my favorite painter, Vaughn Spann, titled The Heat Lets us Know We're Alive. If you are not familiar with his work, I highly recommend you check him out. He is coming up incredibly fast, and his work is unlike anything I have ever seen. Textures are unreal, his range of style vast, the motives and intentions behind his work nuanced and ever conscious. And he kind of made my year because he followed me on instagram, which I know is not supposed to be a big deal lol, but it kinda was for me. Super validating. (I definitely check if he's still following me everyday though hahaha)
This painting was one of my favorite pieces from the show. Here's the close up and then me with the piece, it's massive.
6. I am finally beginning to feel like I am growing into my voice, not only as a writer, but as an artist in general. I cannot verbalize it just yet, as I feel I am only starting to grow into it, not that I have already found it. I just feel like I am on the right path finally. It has been a lot easier to just breathe while writing, shooting photography, painting, etc. I don't have to worry as much about something not turning out good, or it not fitting my style. I feel very lucky that I can just sit and work and something will naturally happen, or maybe not, as I have grown to just trust it all. If one thing doesn't work, just try something else, and if that doesn't work, try something else, then if that doesn't work either, go for a walk. Or go socialize, read a book, spend time with family, cook a good meal, pray, etc. etc. The rush that I have felt for so long is placating, and it feels good.
7. I WASTED A WHOLE LOTTA TIME LEARNING VALUABLE LESSONS
8. I made LostInsideJournal.com. Hands down my best and favorite project I have ever made.
9. Lived in Turkey for two months and took some more great photos that I am very proud of.
(I know a lot of the things I am happy about are art related, or have to do with profession, success, etc. But I really care about art is all, so that's something that makes me genuinely happy and proud.)
10. I discovered Eric Rohmer... (I have no one recommendation, just watch everything)
Disclaimer: my friend Fahad who is a film geek found no enjoyment in Rohmer's films, so it may not be for everyone. But I love that shit. Every bit of it.
Eric Rohmer is my only recommendation this week. I have not watched any movies or read much this week because of work and projects. Been glued to my desk. If anyone is actually looking into the stuff I recommend, I'd love to talk about it all as well. ROHMER ESPECIALLY.
That's all from me for this one ya'll. Thanks for reading. And as usual, please feel free to reply to these emails if you feel inclined to. I'll be here.
B